Even as adults, we crave our mom and dad’s love and approval. A toxic parent will exploit that. This could be due to normalized bad behavior over time or the hope that your parent will change. Peg Streep, author of “Daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life,” explains that while all relationships have tension, how conflicts are resolved distinguishes healthy tension from toxicity.
Identifying Toxic Behaviors
1. They Manipulate You
Toxic parents manipulate your craving for their approval to get their way. They make you feel that your decisions harm them, threatening to withdraw love or connection if you don’t comply. If you resist, they might threaten estrangement or cutting you out of the inheritance.
2. They Belittle Your Feelings
Toxic parents dismiss or minimize your feelings, leaving you questioning your perceptions. This is gaslighting, making you doubt your emotional responses and self-worth. Clinical psychologist Craig Malkin describes how such behavior leads to shame and confusion that persists into adulthood.
3. They Call Disagreement Disrespect
Toxic parents view any disagreement as disrespect, shutting down any possibility of healthy discussion. They believe their way is the only way, forcing you into a corner where capitulation is the only option.
4. They Constantly Criticize You
Beyond unsolicited advice, toxic parents criticize who you are, not just what you do. Their focus is on your perceived flaws, undermining your self-confidence and making you doubt your abilities and decisions.
Also: What Are the 5 Phrases Parents Want to Hear From Their Adult Children?
5. They Blame You for Their Problems
Toxic parents refuse to take responsibility, instead shifting the blame onto you. They hold you accountable for their own issues and emotions, making you feel responsible for their unhappiness and outbursts.
Click Next To Discover How To Cope With A Toxic Parent
How To Cope With A Toxic Parent
1. Set Boundaries
Reflect on the boundaries you need and communicate them clearly to your parent. It’s challenging but becomes easier with time. Discuss boundaries calmly and consistently enforce them.
2. Limit Contact
If your boundaries are not respected, consider limiting contact. This might mean only communicating through email or brief phone calls. Sometimes, distancing yourself is necessary for healing.
3. Understand Negative Reactions
Recognize that your parent’s negative reactions aren’t a reflection of your actions. Often, their attacks stem from their own issues, not because you did something wrong.
4. Seek Therapy
Working with a therapist can provide strategies to deal with a toxic parent and help you understand patterns in your relationships that stem from childhood dynamics.
Conclusion
Dealing with a toxic parent is incredibly challenging, but recognizing the signs and implementing coping strategies can help you protect your emotional well-being. Remember, you can only change yourself, not your parent.
FAQs
What is a toxic parent?
A toxic parent consistently engages in behaviors that are emotionally damaging to their child. This includes manipulation, criticism, and blame-shifting.
Can toxic parents change?
While change is possible, it’s often unlikely without a strong desire and effort from the parent. Most toxic behaviors are deeply ingrained.
How do I set boundaries with a toxic parent?
Clearly communicate your needs and limits, remain consistent, and be prepared to enforce these boundaries even if it means limiting contact.
What if my parent doesn’t respect my boundaries?
If your boundaries are continuously violated, it may be necessary to limit or even cut off contact to protect your mental health.
Is it okay to cut ties with a toxic parent?
Yes, your well-being is paramount. If a relationship with your parent is consistently harmful, distancing yourself may be the best option.