Marriage is often viewed as the ultimate commitment, a bond that solidifies the love and partnership between two people. However, the reality of marriage can sometimes diverge from our expectations. Recently, Reddit user u/skullman_ps2 asked the men of the community, “What’s the biggest thing you regret about getting married?” The responses were candid, heartfelt, and at times, heartbreaking. Here, we delve into the most eye-opening revelations shared by men about their marital regrets.
Warning: This article contains mentions of domestic violence and drug abuse. Please proceed with caution.
Not Meeting Her Family Sooner
One of the most poignant stories came from u/Pudii_Pudii, who expressed regret over not meeting his wife’s family earlier in their relationship. Despite dating for six years long-distance, he didn’t see her family interact until much later. This encounter revealed deep-seated issues and toxic dynamics that had profoundly affected his wife. He believes that understanding her family history sooner would have provided crucial insights into her behavior and their relationship dynamics.
Getting Married Too Young
u/darkchocoIate shared a tale of youthful naivety. At 23, he felt pressured by his military environment to marry quickly. He now recognizes that he was too young and not ready for such a commitment. His advice to his younger self? “You have so much more life to live and to find someone you’re truly compatible with. If you’re not sure, don’t do it.”
Handling Infidelity Poorly
For u/surgeon67, the regret isn’t about getting married but about how he handled his wife’s infidelity. In retrospect, he wishes he had set firmer boundaries and been more assertive. His second marriage also turned out to be a mistake, as they were fundamentally incompatible. However, his experiences have taught him valuable lessons, which he is applying to his current engagement.
Financial Drain and Infidelity
u/Adlersch faced a double whammy of financial exploitation and infidelity. His wife drained him financially and cheated on him. Despite attempts to reconcile “for the kid,” it became clear she was more interested in financial support than in repairing their relationship.
Also: 5 Signs You’re Dealing With A Toxic Parent As An Adult (And How To Cope)
Constant Mental Compromising
Marriage often requires compromise, but for u/skullman_ps2, this meant losing a sense of independence. The constant mental compromising became his biggest regret. He advises taking a “me day” every once in a while to maintain a sense of self within the marriage.
Giving into Ultimatums
Several men, including u/AttorneyatLawlz and u/shirophine, regretted giving into ultimatums to marry. They felt pressured by their partners’ desire to marry young, which led to rushed and ultimately unhappy unions.
Visa Marriage Issues
u/KlM-J0NG-UN shared the complications of a “visa marriage.” Initially intended as a practical solution to stay together, making the marriage public brought unforeseen problems that strained their relationship.
Lack of Intimacy
For u/TakeshiKido, a significant regret was the drop in sexual intimacy after getting engaged. Despite efforts to address the issue, it never returned to its previous level, causing ongoing frustration.
Not Divorcing Sooner
u/RickKassidy reflected on the regret of not ending his marriage sooner. Prolonging the inevitable led to years of unnecessary pain and conflict, including intense fights and financial strain.
Ignoring Instincts
u/Optimal-Judgment-982 knew early on that his wife had the ability to “steam-roll” his emotions, yet he proceeded with the marriage. Years later, he realized that her controlling behavior had only worsened.
Missing the Thrill of New Relationships
u/robetyarg admitted to missing the excitement of new relationships. While he remains faithful to his wife, he longs for the novelty and discovery that comes with new romantic encounters.
Social Pressure to Marry
For u/ProbablyLongComment, the decision to marry was driven by societal and familial expectations rather than personal desire. Although their marriage is good, they acknowledge that their relationship would have been just as strong without the official commitment.
Initial Financial Hardships
u/dick_lover-420 and his spouse faced financial hardships early in their marriage, moving in with parents due to a housing issue. This challenging start added stress but ultimately strengthened their bond.
Delaying Marriage for Financial Stability
u/kbean826 wishes he had married his long-term partner sooner. Delaying the wedding for financial stability didn’t significantly change their circumstances and only postponed their happiness.
Wedding Expenses Regret
Finally, u/thecountnotthesaint regretted the lavish spending on their wedding. Despite his suggestions to allocate funds elsewhere, his wife insisted on an extravagant event. In hindsight, they both agree it would have been wiser to invest in their future rather than a single day.
Conclusion
These candid confessions from men about their biggest marital regrets offer valuable lessons for anyone considering marriage. Common themes include the importance of understanding your partner’s background, not rushing into commitment, maintaining individual independence, and prioritizing open communication. While marriage can bring immense joy, these stories remind us that careful consideration and self-awareness are crucial to building a lasting, healthy relationship.
FAQs
What are common regrets about getting married? Common regrets include marrying too young, not fully understanding a partner’s background, financial strain, lack of intimacy, and succumbing to social pressure.
How can couples avoid these marriage regrets? Couples can avoid these regrets by taking the time to know each other deeply, discussing important issues like finances and family dynamics, and ensuring they are truly ready for the commitment.
Is it common to regret getting married? Regret can occur in any major life decision, including marriage. It’s important to address issues early and openly to mitigate long-term dissatisfaction.
What should couples discuss before marriage? Couples should discuss finances, family dynamics, career goals, personal values, and expectations about intimacy and independence.
How important is it to know your partner’s family before marriage? Understanding your partner’s family can provide crucial insights into their behavior and relationship patterns, helping to set realistic expectations and address potential issues early on.